A Brief Moment of Insanity

I have been involved in one way or another regarding church for the last 12-13 years now. What I have found is that God makes no sense to me. One minute I get something pinned down a wicked slider comes through the back door and I am left with a bat and helmet walking back to the dug out in the bottom of the ninth. There are few things that are solid in life's little surprises. God say's He desires obedience over sacrifice. What does that Mean? What are we to be obedient to when the only thing we seem to comprehend is sacrifice? It is easy to blast religious leaders especially in today's culture because we have seen so many fail, but walking with God has nothing to do with religion. It is a wrestling between you and God- something that seems to be outside of all religious understanding. What do you do when it seems that God leads you away from all the good works within the church? What do you do when it seems that God chooses to whisper instead of yell and you can't seem to discern His voice? What do you do when working as a volunteer with a church doesn't seem to be possible? The things that are for sure is that God wants me to be a father to my children and a husband to my wife. Those things NEVER change- everything else is fluid and changes from day to day. Weeding out what God says in the midst of every one else's emotions is near impossible and than we add our own and holy crap we have a recipe for some strange religion. I have found that I have to turn back to what I know is for sure and right now that has little to do with a church. It is the wrestling between God and I, my Family, and the relationships I have that seem to be part of the anchor for my sanity.

The Release: IMAGE

The Release: IMAGE

IMAGE

The whole thing started on an air-boat in the Florida everglades. I was running from these snakes with Matthew Mcconeghy (sp?) and at the same time we were looking for the snake. It was kind of like that cheesey movie Anaconda where there is this huge snake that is eating people. In my dream we were just trying to survive when something got switched. I don't know what it was exactly, but instead of running from the snake we were trying to find the snake. Big Matt (yeah now he's my best friend because he was in my dream- now if I can convince him to give me money.....) decided that we needed to confront this snake, but had no plan or explanation to what we were to do once we found this snake. I was convinced he was trying to kill us both and I had no way of escaping this now raving lunatic who was on a suicide mission. Matthew had found the den where there were some smaller pregnant snakes and we caught one and killed it. he sliced open the belly to reveal the unborn snakes that were still wiggling but dying as we pulled them out of the womb. Matthew knew exactly where the snake was living and took us there to dump the babies and infuriate this giant mammoth that could swallow us with one strike. Oddly I was afraid, but somewhat in a trance as I followed the lead of this man whom I some how have been stuck with. We waited at this location for probably hours, but in dream land it felt like minutes. Suddenly there was a commotion in the water around the boat. Somehow we knew that the death of these babies would ignite the snakes temper, yet at the same time I think the snake took more pleasure in seeing us destroyed than in caring about the dead babies. It was as if this snake had really set the trap for us knowing there was no way of escape once we committed to this plan of action. The water boiled and up came this monster snake, which teetered more on the side of dragonish than snake, but somehow maintained this modest image of a snake. Matthew turned to face the snake - more zombie like than hunter - and faced this enormous creature. In one lunge I watched as this beast swallowed Matthew whole and realized that the snake had somehow controlled Matthew's behavior the entire time even in the little things like deciding to catch the pregnant snake and kill the babies. It had deceived us somehow and convinced us that we were fighting it even though in the end we were simply being drug to the very location where we would be consumed and devoured by it. It laughed at us and called us fools and we simply were no more.

As I woke from this dream I realized I was not in a state of panic. I wasn't even locked in fear as a person might be when waking from a dream that depicted themselves being eaten by a monster snake. Instead I found myself asking God, "what does this mean? Was this a crazy dream or are you talking to me." At once I was seeking answers. If this was a God dream than what does it mean? What do I need to hear from this and what do I do when the answer is revealed?

I feel like the answer is this-

Matthew Mcconahey (still not spelled right) represents an image in my life. The image of success. Someone who has money, is in good shape, has good looks, he captures what America values. It is significant that he is an actor. It is significant that what we know of this man is an act put on to entertain us.

I had no control of what we did. The image (Matthew M.) of success was driving the boat and leading us to the snakes lair.

Killing a smaller pregnant snake and taking the babies- was a symbol of the victories of fighting the IMAGE of the great snake. Yet the victory was a perceived victory that ultimately brought us to the crushing death strike of the real enemy.- Take note that the smaller snake was in a small den and was too small to actually hurt a full grown person yet was probably 3 feet long.

The snake teetered on the verge of a dragon. In Revelations we see the image of the Devil (or whatever name you want to call him) attacking the church. Also, in Genesis we see the snake as the great deceiver the enemy of our souls and it is through this creature that sin and suffering as we know it was given birth.

I was Matthew M. It was the desire for this image that was driving me. I wanted victory and I wanted success. I wanted to capture the attention of people and be admired. I was being driven by an IMAGE and this image was leading to my destruction. This image was not real- it was only an act put on to allow others to see what I wanted them to see and no more. This IMAGE WAS the deception of the snake. I believed the passions of this image and I allowed it to overtake what I knew to be the truth.

We as a culture have an Identity issue. We are following an image and have no clue who we are. We are bombarded every day with a not good enough message, and a look and see what REAL living is like media frenzy. We preach adultery in our advertisement yet crucify men for cheating on their wives in the media. Our media is a two headed dragon that will devour our very souls if we continue to buy their marketing.

The thing that leaves me the most disturbed after this dream was the final sequence.

Can I escape the image driven air-boat or am I destined to be devoured by the great beast?