A Brief Moment of Insanity

I have been involved in one way or another regarding church for the last 12-13 years now. What I have found is that God makes no sense to me. One minute I get something pinned down a wicked slider comes through the back door and I am left with a bat and helmet walking back to the dug out in the bottom of the ninth. There are few things that are solid in life's little surprises. God say's He desires obedience over sacrifice. What does that Mean? What are we to be obedient to when the only thing we seem to comprehend is sacrifice? It is easy to blast religious leaders especially in today's culture because we have seen so many fail, but walking with God has nothing to do with religion. It is a wrestling between you and God- something that seems to be outside of all religious understanding. What do you do when it seems that God leads you away from all the good works within the church? What do you do when it seems that God chooses to whisper instead of yell and you can't seem to discern His voice? What do you do when working as a volunteer with a church doesn't seem to be possible? The things that are for sure is that God wants me to be a father to my children and a husband to my wife. Those things NEVER change- everything else is fluid and changes from day to day. Weeding out what God says in the midst of every one else's emotions is near impossible and than we add our own and holy crap we have a recipe for some strange religion. I have found that I have to turn back to what I know is for sure and right now that has little to do with a church. It is the wrestling between God and I, my Family, and the relationships I have that seem to be part of the anchor for my sanity.